Tell them...

Two very short experiences that occurred just a few days apart this summer left a lasting impact on me. 

The first during an Uber ride, and the other in a restaurant in Colorado.

During one of my evening shifts driving Uber, I picked up a girl.  She was wrapped up in a phone call as she got in the car. 

She spoke with such kindness, enthusiasm, and joy to whoever was on the other end of the call.

In simple terms, I would just sum it up as “loving”. 

Nothing fake, as we sometimes hear or see in life, but truly authentic emotion as she said the words, "I love you” before hanging up the phone.  

She looks at me and says, “Sorry about that, I just had to give my Mom a call.” 

I let out a little giggle and replied with “no worries.”  I also added, “You are really nice to her.”

She then explained that it is her goal to everyday be aware of how she’s interacting with people especially with her family and friends. She said that she had a close friend pass away a year ago, and that she wishes every second that she could’ve told her how much she meant to her just one more time. 

A few days later my Dad and I went on another one of our road trips (we often refer to them as Road Warrior trips because they involve an intense amount of hours on the road with limited breaks).  This one was from Pennsylvania to Colorado with a stop in Mississippi along the way. While in Colorado we took an evening to see and catch up with my Dad’s best friend. 

Now, when these two guys (my dad and his friend) get together they embark on hours of really intriguing conversations.  Their conversations lean at times toward philosophy or just their overall purpose in life. When I am around for their dialogue, my role is often just to listen and take things in. I say the least, but that’s due to the fact that I’m silently breaking down every word they say and making meaning out of it. 

So there we were. At a restaurant in Castle Rock, Colorado.  The two of them went back and forth with various questions and topics until an intriguing discussion began about which teacher had made the greatest impact on them. 

That is when I heard a phrase that resonated with me so much and hit me in a way that when I think about it now, I pause for a second and almost get emotional.  My Dad’s friend talked about a teacher who made such an impact on him but has now passed away.   

He said, “My regret is that I didn’t get to say thank you before he passed away”. 

That statement, even though it is a simple one that many people have thought or even said to others, really does have such power to it.

And it is just like the goal that my Uber passenger had mentioned.

This really hits me on a very deep emotional level. 

I have been so lucky that I have not had to deal with many deaths in my close circle of family and friends through the years. 

Because to be completely honest with you, one of my biggest issues is that I struggle at communicating my emotions. I could psychoanalyze myself as to why I think I am this way, but no one came here for that. 

Seriously though, the amount of times that I would be in a fight, disagreement, or hard patch with someone I love and try to shut them out or avoid the situation is unbelievable. 

I think on the simplest level though, I’ve done this because I have forgotten the simple fact that I have no idea when they will be out of my life in one way or another. 

That’s why the girl from the Uber impacted me so much that I needed to share. 

Not because she is kind to her mom on a phone call, but because she consistently reminds herself to be aware of her interactions with those she loves or who are important to her.

After writing this, I could go treat my mom like a queen for a day or two, but the importance I’ve taken from that girl is to make it a lifestyle and a daily routine because well...you just don’t know what tomorrow may bring.

One of the most relieving, energizing, and happiest days of my life was my 21st birthday. The craziest part is that I was stuck in quarantine. I didn’t have some legendary party, didn’t go out to a bar- it wasn’t your typical 21st birthday. 

What was so special about it was that I had been struggling with depression for the 3 months leading up to that. Only about 5-10 people really knew about it, and they were the ones who were by my side every step of the way during that rough time. 

So on December 12th, I remember waking up and feeling grateful for the first time since the beginning of my depression. I put on my headphones and went for a run at like 6 in the morning. I remember calling those people who had helped me during that time, and just thanking them. Telling them I loved them. I forgot what it felt like to tell people that I’m happy that they are in my life. I cried to some of those people and laughed with others. But telling people how I felt about them did so much for me. It created momentum to start moving forward, and It also helped the ones I told, to show them the importance of what they had done for me. 

What’s funny about my relationship with these people is that many of them that I talked to that day had been treated the worst by me. I had been through screaming matches and said things I didn't mean, or played the silent game for days on end, and made them feel like I didn’t want them in my life. 

For what? 

To save my ego by not apologizing? 

Stupid. Just stupid. 

The people who I care about the most have seen the worst of me. All I can say now is thank God they didn’t disappear on me. 

And hopefully I can have many more chances to tell them about their importance in my life.

Look, I could’ve made this post two sentences long and it could’ve gotten my point across. 

But you know me, once I get on a topic, I feel like I have to squeeze every ounce of detail out of it.

Friends and Family, I love you guys. 

To the girl from the Uber ride, thank you. 

Thank you for reminding me that it’s not weird to tell the ones I care about that I love them. Thank you for reminding me that it’s okay to be vulnerable and forget about my ego to tell someone how I feel about them. 

Thank you for reminding me that I might not get another chance to tell that person how important they are.