The Game Changer.
Heartbreak- Overwhelming distress.
This is probably the most underwhelming definition for any word in the google definition dictionary.
Now, for this next part, I’ll let you choose your path….Depending on your:
- life experiences
- maturity
- current situation
Choose between these two personal definitions I created for “Heartbreak”
Heartbreak- The straight up shittiest pain that one can experience. The only way to heal is to sit, cry, and let time pass. Energy falls to all time lows, you either gain or lose some weight, and you become an obsessive freak over something or someone that you cannot necessarily control.
Heartbreak- The most beautiful experience that one can endure. Through this process you will have realizations about yourself, others, and life that you would’ve never had. This time can push you to find new hobbies, get into great shape, and slowly become in greater control of your life.
So, these definitions are both true for me in my life.
I also have a feeling that many of you can relate to these definitions on some level or another. After all, it is a universal pain that 99.9 percent of the world will experience at some point.
6 months ago, I didn’t have 2 definitions though, I only had the one, which definition do you think it was? Yep, only sit and cry in total agony definition
Imagine it like this.
There is a video game called “Heartbreak” and there are two levels that you must get through to progress through the game which are definition 1 and definition 2.
You have to defeat and weather the storm in level one to achieve the beauty of level two.
So with that being said, let me tell you the story of how I defeated this game called Heartbreak.
Oh, you’ll never guess….. It all started in an Uber.
Disclaimer:
[Before I tell this story, let’s acknowledge a fundamental truth in relationships…
(Truth) People break people’s hearts
I’ve done it, you’ve done it.
It’s a part of life and happens every day.
John Mayer has a brilliant lyric in a song titled “Wheel” that rings out
“People have the right to fly” and “that’s the way this wheel keeps working now”.
My interpretation of this is that people can choose the path of their life. I will never fault anyone for deciding what they believe is best for them even if it hurts me emotionally like hell.
Even though it may be difficult, I will always support anyone who tries to better their life.]
July 2nd
6a.m- I wake up on my recliner type couch with impractical jokers still playing from the night before. I rolled off the couch and stood to my feet where I then walked down into my basement. I had lost like 5 pounds that week due to my extreme loss of appetite, and just felt so weak and lost. As I got down to my basement, I got on my knees, started to cry, and put my head into the carpet. I remember just saying, “God please help me, anything, please. I can’t keep living like this.” The crying eventually came to an end, and I walked back up the stairs.
10.am- After another long stint on the couch, I did what I had done every day since the breakup. I drove to the gym, attempted to run on the treadmill while watching some type of video to distract my mind, and then finished the session off by sitting in a sauna basically until I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Don’t try this, it’s not good for you (I think). But I would sit in this sauna and when I got out I would have an hour where I wouldn’t feel stress or sadness. I loved it. But eventually, the emotions caught back up and surfaced. You see another truth I am learning as I get older is that as much as you try to avoid or distract yourself from painful emotions they don’t disappear and are still there. Until…when…well that may be for another blog post.
4p.m- I was once again, sitting on my couch, and knew I needed to go do something with my life. So I decided to make some money while distracting myself that evening. I hopped in my Kia Seltos and tapped the “Go button” on my uber app.
6pm- I had given about 4 rides in 90 min, and can’t lie. I barely said a word to those passengers, as my mind just wanted to shut off and try again tomorrow. But I decided to take another ride as it was still early. It directed me to pick up a passenger in York City.
I sat there and waited for a few minutes. No one came.
I told myself I would wait for the rider for another 5 minutes before canceling the ride, and who would’ve guessed… 3 minutes later, a guy in his 30’s came jogging out of an alleyway.
He hopped in the backseat with contagious energy.
(side note: surround yourself with people with contagious positive energy)
So, Within 5 minutes he was able to share much of his current life with me. You could just tell he was a positive, kind, and motivated guy. I was giving him a ride to work that evening as he worked the night shift.
I gained a lot of respect for the guy and learned much of what I needed to know about his character as he said “Yeah, I’ve just been grinding out night shifts and work whenever I can because I’m just trying to support my 4 year old daughter. I don’t have much of a social life right now, but my daughter makes it worth it.”
I asked about his daughter and started to learn he wasn’t in an ideal situation. He said his daughter lives with her mom about 30 minutes away and he sees her on the weekends.
I didn’t think much of it. Wasn’t my place.
We continued to talk.
Here’s the part you came for.
The Game Changer.
When you go through a breakup, you kinda just want to talk about it all the time. It’s strange how a painful thing to talk about is also one of the things that makes you feel better.
He said, “yeah, my ex girlfriend and I broke up about a year ago and I’ve just been figuring things out since”
Yeah, I took my opportunity. And thank God I did.
I said, “Damn man, I think you are the perfect passenger for me right now. I just went through a break-up 2 weeks ago, and I’m struggling”.
“Listen man” - he said
(You know it’s about to get real when someone says “listen man”. You either are about to get some great advice or get a lecture- or both.)
This next section I will type out what he said to the best of my memory. It won’t be word for word, but will contain all the ideas.
“A year ago, I was sitting in a jail cell crying my eyes out. I was drugged out on meth, drunk for a week straight, and was being chased down a highway by multiple cop cars.
All because of the same pain you are feeling, heartbreak. Been there, felt that, still deal with it.
Here’s what I need to tell you, when someone leaves your life.
First, don’t ever turn to drugs and alcohol. It may seem like a temporary way out, but it will only cause more destruction.
Next, The biggest mistake you can make is believing that you are at a dead end.
I know, You put so much time and love into that one road and when that relationship ends, you feel like the road is just gone and you have nowhere to go.
What I learned from sitting in that jail cell was that, yes, that road might be a dead end, but all that meant was that it was time for me to take a turn.
The truth is, that you have roads to your left, right, west, north… you just gotta keep going and take a turn.
It’s really hard to do, I won’t tell you it’s easy to give up on that road, but you can do it. And once you do it once, you will see that- understanding you have access to an endless amount of roads is a secret to life, and ultimately is a game changer. To put this simply, just take a turn and see where it takes you. But never sit at a dead end, because it will slowly destroy you.
I got in one word before he continued. “Wow”.
We hear it so often, but don’t understand it’s importance. “There’s plenty of fish in the sea”.
It’s been turned into a joking phrase, but if you take it seriously it’s unbelievable advice.
There are truly plenty of fish in the sea meaning there are thousands of people who aren’t meant for you, who won’t treat you right, who won't love you through everything, but that also means that there are people out there that will support you, click with you, and love you through everything.
Now, I’m not saying that this girl didn’t do that, but you need to be open to the possibility that there are girls out there that will change your life when you meet them.
We pulled into the gas station that I was dropping him off at so he could get some food before his shift and we just sat there for a minute. I said “So how is life now, like are you doing better”.
Hell yeah. I’m more productive, a better human, and a better dad. I make more money than I’ve ever made in my life, I’ve been clean for a year, and I love life every day.
I sat there, and as I was shocked and grateful that this man crossed paths with me that day, I mustered up the words “Thank you, you don’t know how much this has meant for me.”
I heard him rattling around in the backseat, before pulling out a 10 dollar bill and he handed it to me.
He said,
I tip on the app, so this isn’t a tip. This is a 10 dollar bill that serves as a marker to keep moving forward. I know what it’s like to feel how you feel right now. As long as you have this 10 dollar bill, you gotta keep moving forward for me.
He hopped out of the car with his contagious smile and jogged into the gas station.
I kid you not, I put my head down, closed my eyes, and said “wtf just happened?????”
To my grandma’s out there, wtf means.. Uhh… “wow that forsure just happened”( insert winking face). This line was cringey, I know.
I could elaborate on the words that guy said to me that day, and tell you about my journey with heartbreak since then.
But I don’t think it’s necessary.
This was hands down, the greatest advice I have ever received on breakups, and overall broken relationships. Mostly because of how authentic it was.
Heartbreak can literally break you. I have people close to me get destroyed by it all the time, including myself. But it also can change you if handled the right way.
To Mr. Game Changer,
Thank you from me and everyone else.
I needed to hear your words, and so did the rest of the world.
3) Heartbreak- a Universal pain that you, your parents, your friends, and even the guy in the back of your uber will experience in their life. Whether the alpha males out there want to admit it or not, it will wreck your life for a bit(or a while). At the same time though, it creates an opportunity for you to change your life forever. It creates an opportunity to reflect on your goals and morals. It creates an opportunity to create an identity so strong that no one else can strip you of. It creates an opportunity to become stronger.
After all, in the words of my favorite artist “Mike”,
Thought my heart was broken, but it still works- Still works.
KEEP GOING.