Change, The Past, and You’re Stuck With Me
Oh, man. It sure has been a long time….
Don’t worry though, I haven’t stopped writing or thinking of ways to get my thoughts and life experiences out into the world.
And actually it is quite concerning how many drafts of posts that I have written while drinking Caramel Lattes in Panera Bread booths (I think I’m getting off that sweet coffee wave soon). In addition, that monthly payment from squarespace serves as a reminder to return to this vision I had on that first night where I decided to open my thoughts, emotions, and stories with all of you.
I honestly might have written 50-100 different drafts of posts. I just haven’t put any out. Just remember I was hit by that F-150 head on, so that may have put a delay on this story getting to all of you. (Oh we’ll save the F-150 story for another day)
The truth I have found about doing this writing thing is something that can ring true in many areas of our lives, and that is when we take long periods of time away from certain things it can become easy just to never return. Especially writing, as you can get caught up in the perfection feeling that these posts need to “one up” the last one or even that sense of you can’t release it if something doesn’t seem just exactly right.
If I keep that mindset, I will probably never have success in certain areas nor return to writing. How exactly do I grow out of that? Well, I’ll try to answer that another day.
I will have the personal life updates and the many reasons for my delay in posting come at some point, but for now….
I’d rather today just jump into a somewhat cheesy or even cringeworthy Valentine’s Day story. But as I told the King of Cheese, my dad, “it’s cheesy but it’s true and happened to me.”
Change, The Past, and You’re Stuck With Me.
Hallmark Holidays…
Just that phrase emits a certain smell…it’s a mix between Target middle class moms and Yankee candles that have burned for just the right amount of time.
Look, I am like the majority of people when I say a certain amount of nausea begins during these “Hallmark Holidays”. But those of you who really know me, I would not at all categorize myself as a “lovey” or have this softness needed in regards to these time periods. If anything I may be completely 180 degrees from these. Just not a fan. Too much fake and not enough real.
(Brace yourself for heavy sarcasm)
With this said, there is probably no greater position to be in than to be a “girlfriend” of mine during Valentine’s Day.
(There it was)
But I get it. I do. I can see other people’s perspectives.
The world loves Valentine's day, and Valentine’s day loves the world so I will play along.
The following is my contribution to Love and Valentine’s Day…
Panera bread is our scene. There I became the Uber driver of a woman who appeared to be in mid to late 60’s. On my travels, I have found that there is a “Big 3” when it comes to inspirational people.
The Big Three
Service Industry Folks
The people who do not speak first
Ladies in the age range of 50-70, dressed like they are coming from Sunday Service, and speak in preaching form.
I had just picked up a #3. What you really thought she wasn’t going to speak first? No chance.
It was about a 20 minute drive, and a lot was said.
She discussed many topics as we started the drive but focused a lot on how she used her energy in the world.
I admired people like her because she was someone who knows what she wants, knows how she wants to go about her business, and who she wants around.
Whether that is totally true and she has these pieces all figured out is not for me to decide, but on the surface level- that sounds like a major goal of my life.
I don’t care how late in life you are, if you can figure out self identity to the point of knowing exactly where your energy needs to be spent… you have succeeded in some form.
She begins to talk about her relationships in life. Talks about her friends, family, enemies…. Before finally mentioning her love life.
Through her 20s and 30’s she discussed going through a rough marriage. I didn’t need all of the details, but I could tell it grew to a point of hate and misery in her life. She eventually got out of that marriage and by no means did she heal quickly.
Here is what stuck with me though:
That wasn’t the end of her love life. She tells a story that is so uniquely similar to my grandmother on my dad’s side. Which is probably why it stuck with me so deeply to where I’m now writing about it.
She tells this story of her as a single woman living on her own.
Not looking for anything.. Possibly ever again.
She says that she was moving around all of the time until she found some work at a restaurant in Tennessee. She explained it to be kind of a small local spot and would see a lot of the same customers on a daily basis. At the time, she was experimenting with religion in the process of trying to heal and find purpose. One of the men that would eat at the restaurant was outgoing, and she says “made it clear that he was into her”. He didn’t push too hard, but was friendly with her. She explained herself to be extremely stubborn though and wasn’t even interested in making close friends. Anyway, he invited her to start coming to the local church.
That doesn’t sound too scary or personal, so she went. As some time passes, he asks her on a date.
She says no.
She said he went on with life unfazed and treated her exactly the same as before.
Still into her, still kind, still slowly pursuing.
Here is where it gets interesting..
Whether she liked him romantically back or not, it didn’t matter. She was never interested in dating again.
Until some time goes by and they become closer as people and friends.
Before I wrap this up and get to the point, here is a disclaimer: I don’t know if this is 100 percent accurate, I don’t know if she got some inspiration from the “Notebook” or a love novel somewhere… but these are her words.
Okay, continuing with the romance. She said they went to grab food one time about a month after he asked her on a formal date. They were there as friends, of course. While they were there though, she said he gave her this stare followed by a reality check.
He asked her why she was so guarded and against just trying to date basically. He wasn’t really looking for an answer though.
He said, “ “The problem with human beings is that we are so fixated on the past. Not only do we miss out on changes from the people around us, but we rarely allow ourselves to see change in our own selves. We are obsessed with the past.”
I think his quote was directed at her, so he might’ve used “you” instead of generalizing it like she did. But it was one of those times where I hit a “WOW” and then went silent. As a friend of mine named Miles would say, “That’s so real”.
Yeah, but seriously there is so much to unpack there in all forms of life. I might come back to that quote one of these days but for now, I’ll just let it sit.
She didn’t want to hear that at all. In fact, she was mostly angry with him for forcing his opinion on her when all she was trying to do is live a single life. But she reflects now and realizes that was one of the best things he could have ever said for his sake and her sake.
So, some time went on and she decided to start seeing this guy romantically. Things were fine and she admitted it was somewhat nice to have somebody again. And he treated her so well. Without all of the stories since then, they’ve been together ever since.
She does recall a time about a year into their relationship though where she felt done with him and was still in her own way. She just really wasn’t treating him well. He sat her down and said “You will not find someone who is going to stick with you and love you like I do. You can keep pushing me out but I’m gonna be right here.”
She said back to him “ Sounds like I’m stuck then.”
As we literally pulled up on her destination dropoff she began laughing and said to me “But yeah, looks like I’m still stuck to this day.”
Not sure how romantic you may find this when someone refers to being “stuck” with someone else. And as I reflect on our conversation, maybe it isn’t romantic at all but “real.” Remember I warned you that I didn’t like the fakeness of this holiday. But I admired her resilience and her spirit.
And this quote, “The problem with human beings is that we are so fixated on the past. Not only do we miss out on changes from the people around us, but we rarely allow ourselves to see change in our own selves. We are obsessed with the past.” that I was able to hear by encountering her still resonates with me and makes me ponder.
The end.
So there is that story. Most will see it is just a little love story.
I also see it as such, but that quote about our obsession with the past is really the key piece of this for me.
Notes: As I said, I just needed to get a post out there to get started again. I have a lot to share, a lot of drafts, and some really great stories to share.
As always, thank you for reading and letting me share…You’ll hear from me sooner than later.
